Journal Prompt: Removing the Word "Should" and it's Correlation to Shame

Many people think they “should” be good at something.  Whether it’s having patience, or strong communication skills, or better professional skills, there seems to be this idea that there is a benchmark for each stage in our life in regards to abilities, and yet these benchmarks are created internally.  Almost as if we are failing at something while still learning, and then being harsh with ourselves as a result.

One of the things I like about yoga (no, I’m not a yoga pusher, I think it’s wonderful for me but I understand it’s not for everyone) is that you are never truly a “yoga master” or “good at yoga”.  You are continually in a state of learning.  It’s called a “yoga practice” because you are always within your learning process and developing at your own pace.  It’s not a competition, the only thing that matters is what is happening on your own yoga mat.  

Using the concepts of “practice” and “learning process”, can you think of spaces in your life where you are judging yourself harshly based on either an internal benchmark or comparisons with other people and what they are doing?  Can you take a moment to look at what those internal benchmarks are really doing for you and allow yourself to remember that you are still in your learning process?  What would it feel like to allow yourself to learn rather then expect yourself to know things right off the bat and then judge yourself for it?

Journal Prompt: Using Your Imagination to Process Feelings

Personification is a word that means to give human traits, such as feelings, thoughts and behaviors, to a non-human thing.  Oftentimes we do this when we see objects that we can identify as possibly having feelings or as resembling humans, such as stuffed animals or dolls, and to a degree we do this with animals and pets, where we give them human traits.  For example, if you get into your car on a cold day and it won’t start you may begin to talk to your car as if it will react to you things like “Come on, you can do it, just start and we’ll be on our way.”  

Look at an emotion that you struggle with, such as anxiety, depression , self doubt, overwhelm, or any other.  Give your emotion a name and a personality, beyond that of which it is, and create a story around your emotion.  Maybe a day in the life of Joe, aka My Anxiety.  Talk about how Joe goes through his day and the types of things Joe does or thinks about and how his behavior effects you, his host.  The good, the bad, and the ugly, tell a good tale about your version of Joe and what types of shenanigans he creates.

Next, take Joe and talk about putting Joe out of commission for a bit.  I want you to stand up to Joe and tell him what you really think about him.  Talk about the direct impact Joe has on your life and all the things you’ve had to navigate as a direct result of nasty old Joe.  Tell Joe that despite the fact that sometimes he may have a place in your life, you will be working hard to create a boundary for Joe so that his place is not front and center.  Put Joe in the naughty corner, banish him outright, or maybe just agree to disagree with him as long as he isn’t the main focus of your experience this upcoming year.  However you want to stand up to Joe, I want to hear all about it. We can’t always control our emotions and we don’t always have a say in the things we struggle with, but we can create an intentional view towards some of them to help us stay present when those feelings creep in and try to ruin our day.  

After you try this, write a bit about the process and how you approached it.  Were you able to see the silly side of this or were you able to focus and be very serious about it?

Journal Prompt: Making Changes and Taking Risks

Risk can be doing something scary in a controlled level of danger, such as riding roller coasters or watching scary movies that are sure to induce nightmares.  But I want you to focus more on the concept of risk as it pertains to change. Specifically a change we have to do, for whatever reason. Making a change in our life, whether it’s a job, moving to a new home, starting or ending a relationship, reaching out to someone in a new way, or speaking up for ourselves in ways that are new to us, is all a risk.  Even being in therapy can be a risk, you have no idea what types of Jedi mind tricks I might try to pull (spoiler alert, absolutely none, I’m pretty up front about my therapeutic ways). 

So I want you to focus on one thing in your life right now that you’ve been considering changing and pretend for a minute you already made the change, you’ve already taken the risk.  You already gave your boss that two weeks notice, or you told your roommate that you’re moving out.  Maybe you’re taking a pay cut for a job that allows you more freedom or you’ve decided to break up a friendship that became more draining than content.  Whatever it is, pretend you’ve already done the hard part and had the conversation. What does your life look like now?  What is different in your life?  What is better or worse, or are things about the same just changed in a new direction? Take notice of how your mind feels in this “new” space, can you notice a change in the tension in your body?  You may actually feel more tense as you adjust to this new experience, or maybe you find yourself feeling less tense as you’ve lost something that was holding you back. 

Now look back on the past year and any changes you made. Can you see some examples when outcomes were varied or maybe didn’t end up the way you would have wanted them to when you made choices?  Did your choices fully reflect who you are or were they made in a reactionary way rather than a deliberate way? Looking back, was the change you made worth it and will you make the same choice if faced with the same situation again? Can you see the stops you took to make the change and how it played out for you? Now, take a few moments to really experience what it would be like to make the next change you are thinking of for this year.  Keep that feeling in your brain, in an accessible place, whenever you start to doubt yourself or talk yourself out of making the change.