Journal Prompt: Finding Connection When We Feel Disconnected

People often report feeling disconnected from their lives, whether that means from their friends, family, community, or even themselves. It is always a good time to think about your connections and are they serving you in ways you currently need?  It’s possible some of these connections are more in line with who you were in a previous phase of your life and at this time you can let them go.  Or it may seem as if you need to pull some of your connections a bit closer.  Take a moment to think about your feelings and how they impact your friendships and day to day life, it can also be productive to start thinking about whether you feel connected to the ways in which you spend your days.  

In order to start looking at some of those connections in a way that is more aligned with who you are now, as opposed to who we may have been just a few years ago, I think it might help to first navigate through the thought process of connecting to ourselves.  Read through the list of questions and as you do, which are easy to answer and which are more challenging?  Are there any that you would answer differently now as opposed to pre-pandemic?  Take a few moments to see if some of these questions hold more weight in your life now that you would have anticipated.  

What are some ways I can connect to my environment?

What are some ways I can connect to my community?

What are some ways I can connect to my close friends and family?

Name a time I felt very connected to other people.

When was a time that I felt left out?

What can I do if I feel disconnected to others or left out?

What does it feel like when I’m connected to a group of people?

What types of connections am I looking for now?

How am I connected to my peers at work/school?

Journal Prompt: Exploring Growth vs Fixed Mindsets

One thing we talk about quite a bit as therapists is the idea of a growth mindset vs. a fixed mindset. What are those? I can pretty quickly explain.  A fixed mindset is the concept or belief that something is the way it is.  People who speak or think in fixed mindsets use words such as always and never, the use phrases such as “this is just the way it is in my family”, and they act in resistant ways when approached about a new subject.  A growth mindset is basically the opposite of that.  It’s when someone is open to new ideas and new concepts and can be open to them even when they don’t feel comfortable or familiar.  Think about food and little kids.  If you put a piece of broccoli (my personal favorite food) in front of many kids, you will see them make the yuck face and push the plate away.  That’s the fixed mindset, without even trying it, the kids think it’s gross.  But some kids are a little more adventurous with food and may sniff at it or take a little bite and then decide if it is something they like.  Whether it becomes part of their food repertoire  or not, they were open to the idea of it, which is similar to the concept of growth mindset.  

People who have a growth mindset:

-Know progress takes time

-Keep trying until the feel they have succeeded

-Love learning

-Ask for help

-Learn from feedback

-Feel and notice inspiration

-Are not afraid to fail a bit

-Work very hard at things

-Love a challenge

-View things from an opportunity lens rather than a risk or obligation lens

Sounds good right?  This list sounds like the kind of person we all like spending time with because they’re full of interesting stories and experiences.  But you don't have to quit your job and become a professional skydiver (unless you want to of course) in order to develop a growth mindset.  The easiest way to start thinking in that direction is to take notice of how many never/always statements run through your head any given day.  How many times do you find yourself thinking “absolutely not” or “no way”.  Sometimes those are warranted, I will admit I get quite a few requests from my kids on a day to day basis that leave me in the “that will absolutely never happen” mindset, kids are good at bringing that out in their parents sometimes.  

But in terms of day to day experiences, whether that is at work or with friends or maybe around a project you’ve wanted to tackle, look at how you think about it.  If you’ve decided you want to clean out your closet but keep thinking “it’s such a huge task, it’ll take forever” you are using a fixed mindset.  What about if you thought of it in a way such as “It’s a big task, but I bet I’ll find some things I forgot I had, and I may even be able to get rid of enough stuff that my closet will be easier to keep tidy”.  That’s a growth mindset around the same issue.  After you’ve had a bit of time to identify some fixed mindset patterns that you have, take a moment to rework them into what they’d look like if you utilized a growth mindset and see what feelings that brings up in you.  Have fun with it, even if you “never enjoy journaling”. 

Journal Prompt: Finding Personal Acceptance

The artwork that therapists keep in their offices is highly personal and often very thoughtfully placed. When I’m sitting in my office, right in front of me is a piece of art that I put up that has a quote on it that resonates with me in terms of how I view my clients and what I hope for them.  Maybe it resonates with you as well.  It’s a quote by Dodinsky that says:

“May you fall into your own arms. May you speak the words you need to hear. May you have gratitude with each breath. May you build your dreams with faith. May you embrace your soul with kindness. May you bring wisdom from your past. May you choose peace instead of anger. May you see the light in your darkest night. May you stumble upon yourself when lost. May you uncover courage beneath these fears. May you accept mistakes with humility. May you practice forgiveness to heal wounds. May you see the beauty of your imperfections. May you find love within your own heart.”   - Dodinsky

Reading through that, is there one part that really speaks to you?  Or do you think you can find a way to incorporate one part into each of your days?  Maybe it could be a goal of yours to journal or reflect on at least one sentence from that weekly or even daily (if you’re feeling ambitious).  As you go through the time between now and our next session, I want you to try and take at least one sentence from there and reflect on it and then write how it impacted your week or day.  Think about whether that sentence is something you chose because it is something that is so prevalent in your life or maybe because it is something that is missing and you need to incorporate it into your experience in a more deliberate way.  And then write a little bit about your thoughts.