Ahhh, back to school time is bittersweet, isn’t it? Trading out sun bleached tousled hair and mismatched flip flops for fresh haircuts and new sneakers is exciting. Finding out who your children’s teachers will be and what their schedules will look like and who’s joining what clubs and sports…it’s all so much fun and makes saying goodbye to the slower pace of summer a little less painful.
And those first few days back at school aren’t so bad, right? The kids aren’t grumbling too much during the morning rush and seeing their friends and getting back into the rhythm is nice in it’s own way…
….except, for many kids it isn’t. For some children, back to school time is anything but nice. It’s awful. Countless children see the back to school time as an overwhelming, anxiety fueled, miserable, time of year. And as a parent of a child who struggles with going back to school, watching your child start to worry, transition to panic, or outright refuse to go can cause a range of feelings. Whether those feelings are sadness and hurt over watching your child struggle, embarrassment and guilt over somehow “causing” this issue with your child, or fear that the school is going to turn their back on your child and you’ll be left making decisions you don’t know how you’ll make regarding your child’s mental health and educational needs, the feelings associated with raising a child who experiences anxiety over going to school are never positive and probably a combination of all those I just listed. And seeing as people generally don’t like to talk to others about how difficult things are with their own children, it can often feel like you’re the only one going through this and your child is the only one with this issue. As a professional and as a person who interacts with parents regularly, I can say in all honesty this is the topic I’ve most heard about in the past month. Everyone is talking about how their kids don’t want to go to school, I promise you are not alone.
So what can we do to support our kids who dread going back to school? Well, according to THIS ARTICLE, many of our children’s issues regarding school formulate around feeling a lack of trust. Maybe it’s a trust in school staff not understanding them or trust that their peers won’t make fun of them and their worries, or maybe they’re lacking trust in themselves being able to navigate school despite us as parents knowing they can. Whatever the reason, today’s fast paced and technology based culture (not to mention our news cycle) certainly doesn’t foster the kinds of deep and meaningful connections to other people that probably assist in children feeling that trust in others, their peers, and themselves.
Short of finding the right mental health counselor for your child, which I always advocate for because I will never stop touting the benefits of having a non biased supportive professional to help you find your way through any struggle, my biggest advise is to try and slow things down for your child outside of school. Spend some time talking and actively listening to your child. Try and do this in a quieter space or during a less hectic time in the day when you can really help your child try to find their words about what is causing them to feel uncomfortable going to school. Ask them open ended questions such as “As you are leaving the house in the morning, what are the thoughts in your head?” and “Where in your body do you feel nervous about school when you think about it right now and what does that feel like to you?” Reach out to the school, enlist the assistance of family or close friends, work together to let your child know that even when they are at school, they are loved and supported.
And hang in there…it’ll be summer again soon.
Mindfully,
Meredith