Friend: Hey, let me introduce you to my friend Meredith. She’s a Psychologist.

Me: Actually, I’m a Counselor.

Friend: Oh, same thing.

Me:

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How many times has this happened? Um, I don’t know, maybe somewhere around nine hundred million billion times or so? And I know why this happens, it’s because the messaging around the different types of mental health providers is confusing. Our licenses are confusing, all the acronyms we use, our theories and “approaches” to various issues sound similar but are they? It’s almost impossible to figure out if you don’t work in the mental health field.

So let’s focus a little bit on Counselors and what they do since…..

April is Counseling Awareness Month!

You can go to the American Counseling Association’s page and read all the details, but here is a list of the top 10 things to know about Counselors and Counseling. And I’ll add my own #11 at the end.

10 THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT

COUNSELORS AND COUNSELING

1. Professional counseling is a therapeutic relationship that empowers diverse individuals, families, and groups to accomplish mental health, wellness, education, and career goals.

2. Common specialties within professional counseling include mental health counseling, school counseling, career counseling, addictions counseling, and couples and family counseling.

3. Many counselors are specifically trained to support individuals or groups in the aftermath of natural or man-made disasters.

4. Professional counselors abide by ACA’s Code of Ethics.

5. Professional counselors can diagnose and/or treat mental health disorders.

6. Counselors do not prescribe medications.

7. School counselors must be certified/licensed by a state education department to work in a public school.

8. Counselors working in mental health settings (mental health centers, college counseling centers, hospitals, substance abuse centers, etc.) must be licensed in their state as a professional counselor.

9. Rehabilitation counselors typically must be Certified Rehabilitation Counselors, especially if they work in the traditional setting of a state Office for Vocational Rehabilitation.

10. The differences among counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists can be summarized by differences in education and focus: Professional counselors have a graduate degree in counseling. A master's degree is the entry-level requirement. Counselors focus on client wellness, as opposed to psychopathology. Psychologists have a graduate degree in psychology, and licensed psychologists typically have a degree in clinical, counseling, or school psychology. Of all the mental health professions, psychologists are the best trained in conducting research. Psychiatrists are medical doctors who have usually completed a residency in psychiatry. Their niche is prescribing psychotropic drugs

11. Finding a Counselor in NJ is easy, just look for the letters LPC after their name and then give them a call! #CounselorsHelp

I was chatting with a colleague of mine recently and she mentioned that several years ago she noticed that she began almost every weekend by being asked by her kids, “Mom, what are we doing today?”

Relatable? I thought so, too.

She said she used to sort of grumble an answer while she made her way to the coffee pot, but her children, like many others, were relentless in their need to know what’s on the schedule for the day. So she rattled off some things that she hopes to check off the list. Probably going to run to the store, do some laundry, maybe take the dog for a walk, at least one of you has practice, I need to reply to a few emails, hopefully read a little, considering a new place for take out for dinner. You know, the normal stuff. And as if on cue, her kids all groaned….that’s it? Nothing fun?

This to-do list is about 1000 times more fancy looking than mine.

Tired of the weekly reminder that she wasn’t any fun, my colleague started writing everything out on one of those whiteboards and hung it in the kitchen so that the kids knew what they were doing without having to ask. Most of the items that landed on that whiteboard were for the kids, in the form of music lessons, sports practice, and upcoming community and school events.

And yet, the kids kept asking. And kept groaning. They never did anything fun. And she started to agree with them.

Although the children’s activities and events were enjoyable, they’d become the norm and part of the routine and so they weren’t seen by the kids as “fun”. What the kids really meant by “What are we doing today” is “What are we doing that is new and interesting today?” And although she was well aware that her teenage children didn’t need her to consistently create new and exciting moments for them as they were fairly capable of doing some of that for themselves, she realized that she needed to examine her own definition of the word “fun”. Did fun mean new and exciting to her? Or was it the quiet contemplation she found after finishing a good book? Was it laughing till her sides hurt over stories her kids told her about their antics at school? Or was it the predicable pace of walking around her neighborhood with her dog? Did it need to be scheduled into her life? Or did it just seem to happen?

Was she looking for fun? Or was she looking for contentment? And how does she teach her children to recognize this as well? Also how does she teach them to read the whiteboard before asking her that dreaded question? Should she hang it from the ceiling in the bedrooms so it was the first thing they saw everyday? No, probably not. They’d still ask.

She and I talked at length about this and I shared that I think this is a question many women and mothers ask themselves, probably often unconsciously, and without ever really getting to the root of. Do we view our lives as fun? Content? Happy? While going through the day to day grind, do we even allow ourselves the time to stop and ponder these things? Does a person’s life need regular intervals of fun and for fun to be created? Would thinking more about what these words mean in the practical sense help us achieve them or would it create increased tension if we felt we couldn’t achieve them?

Were we getting too philosophical? We started to think we were getting too philosophical.

In reflecting back, it would seem that for many people, reviewing whether or not they have enough fun or contentment in their lives also includes comparing themselves to others. Between social media, chatting with neighbors, and last month’s influx of smiling faces on all those holiday cards, it’s hard not to think about it. Is my family having as much fun? As many vacations? Do we go out with friends as much? Is my life as interesting as others’ lives seem to me? And in comparing our lives to others, we will always always always find someone who seems to be hitting those standards more consistently, and what would appear to be more easily, than we are. So when we are evaluating our own happiness, whether that be through journaling or in a counseling session or over tea with friends, it’s important to look at our own values and find what these words mean….to us. And only us. And then find a lifestyle and a balance with these “fun” moments that works well for us. That may mean upping the ante a bit and hosting some friends for a game night. Or it might mean cleaning out the garage once and for all, or cozying up on the couch with the kids under a blanket and watching a horror film.

Where ever you are at in this journey of finding “fun” in your life, taking time to contemplate what that word means to you and your family, and what it looks like in action for you and your life, is invaluable.

Mindfully,

Meredith