Self care. That all important thing waaaaay down at the bottom of your to do list. That thing that you’ll get to “when you have time” which we all know is code for “never gonna happen”. Why is it that self care gets such a low spot on the priority list? We care about our kids, our families, our homes, our environment, our finances, our extended family, the birthday gift I still haven’t gotten for the party tomorrow, which cleaner is the best at getting pudding out of carpets, how to recycle old car seats, which emails I need to send for that charity event I agreed to help out with, how often I need to brush my dog’s teeth, what’s the best detangler spray, yadda yadda yadda, and maybe some sort of self care. Why are we so conditioned to care for everyone and everything around us, except ourselves?
I have a hypothesis. It’s because the self care advice we get is too complicated and becomes more like work than self care. If self care becomes a chore, we aren’t going to do it. What may help is to change our mindset about self care from “something big to take our mind off of our stresses” to “a way for me to create a less stressful day for myself”. For example, I’ve read “have a spa day”. Ok, sure. I’ll just find a spa (text all my friends, look on message boards, try to avoid the place where so-and-so’s friend got a rash), take a day off from work even though I have to save my days for when my kids are sick OR have daytime school events I don’t want to miss, find childcare for after school that can help with homework and also drive them to any/all activities they have, and pay for all the treatments at the spa and the childcare with money that I should probably be spending on something more practical like gas for the car. No wonder I don’t ever have spa days, that is so much work it doesn’t feel worth it!
Or I could set up a spa day at home, right? Which would be much less expensive and wouldn’t require me to go anywhere. But I’d have to do this on a day when my kids and husband are also home otherwise I’m back to figuring out childcare and days off from work. This will require me to remove all the toys from around the edges of my tub, clean the tub since it’s probably dusty from lack of use, find bubble bath that doesn’t smell like bubble gum and isn’t from when my kids were babies, and lastly find something to block the door with because even though I will tell them to give me an hour of peace, I have no doubt every member of my family will come into the bathroom at some point to ask me something very important and time sensitive like “What kind of snacks do we have?”
Are you following me? Self care has become another JOB. It’s no longer seen as something that we simply do, it’s become something we have to do, and we have to do in ways that make getting to the self care part frustrating enough that we give up. Instead we slog along with the other parts of the to do list and keep thinking, “Yeah, I have to figure out something to do for me at some point”.
Well my friends, some point is NOW. Today. We are doing this! But how? I have some ideas and bear with me because some may not seem “fun” but I promise they will make you feel less stressed, more in control of things, and a sense of peace for maybe like the five seconds it takes for your kids to start arguing about who’s turn it is to brush the dog’s teeth (I wisened up and delegated that one).
Put your phone down for one hour. Stop hyperventilating, I’m telling you this is possible. How do I know? Because I’m a therapist and I have to do this everyday for hours on end at work. I put it down, do my work with my clients, and I don’t look at it for an entire hour. And at the end of that hour, I check it to make sure I haven’t gotten any frantic texts about snacks from my family, and then I put it back down for the next hour. Everyone who knows me in person knows that hours go by and you don’t hear from me because I SIMPLY CAN’T check my phone. It’s unprofessional and I wouldn’t do that to my clients. And for the record I am just as addicted to the 24/7 news cycle and funny group texts from my friends as anyone else, but those one hour breaks are unexpectedly refreshing. Since I have to cut the cord from my phone at work, I have been able to translate this to home. I don’t put it down all day and I’m the last person to judge anyone’s digital habits, but putting it down now and then and WALKING AWAY from it can be one of the hardest and yet easiest self care tips that I know. Go read a book for a while, maybe watch a show without having to rewind it a million times because your phone distracted you from paying attention, or just stare into space if that’s your thing. Whatever it is, put that phone down. If you’re still hyperventilating, put your head between your knees and breathe, you’ll be ok.
Speaking of walking, go for a walk. I’m not talking about a hike or going and buying all new walking gear, I’m saying put on whatever shoes are sitting by your door and go walk around outside. You can bring your phone, but put it in your pocket, where it won’t tempt you with it’s bings and boops and pretty screen. Walk up and down your block a few times, or to the end of your driveway and back, maybe if you’re up for it walk to someplace. The post office, the corner store, where ever you think you’d like to go. And while you’re out there notice what’s around you, whether you are near home or work. You don’t need to break a sweat, this isn’t a race, just move your body around and pay attention to your surroundings.
Clean out a drawer in your house. Now this sounds terrible and like something that shares space with self care at the bottom of the to do list right? But there is research showing that living in clutter can increase levels of anxiety and depression. I’m not saying tackle the garage or the way-back of your car (holy moly that is NOT self care, that is a chore for the whole family, even the snack goblins), but pick a drawer or a shelf where you have some clutter and just clean it out. Throw it away, organize it, throw it away, find a better spot for it, or my favorite…throw it away. Clearing out a space in your home is aesthetically pleasing and may open the door to cleaning out other areas that also need a little de-junking.
These are just 3 simple ideas, but I hope they kickstart your brain into action so that you can start thinking of other simple and practical ways to incorporate self care into your day. Remember, if it becomes a job, or it is too complicated, your brain will not see it as self care. If it’s simple and can add some peace to your day, your brain will. Happy self care, friends!
Mindfully,
Meredith xo