Since it's Olympic season, let’s talk about winning.

A few years ago I was approached by a collegiate athletic team and asked to provide counseling to some of their players.  College athletes, how exciting! Athletes are motivated, self disciplined, and I thought they’d appreciate my style of giving direct feedback and being goal oriented.

Early mornings are for coffee and a good book.

I’d been counseling college students for many years at this point, but not specifically college athletes and I myself was not a college athlete*.  I’m not very competitive and the sport these students played was brand new to me.  Thus, after my initial excitement, came some secondary thoughts about the fact that I don't have a background in sports or counseling athletes and I needed to do some research before I agreed to take on something outside my expertise.  This is how I stumbled upon Dr. Pippa Grange’s AMAZING sports psychology work.

One of the first things I learned from my new clients was that many of these individuals were verbalizing a narrative around their worth based on their ability to perform to other people’s standards.  Yes, they had to perform to a certain standard to maintain their status on the team, but often times it went deeper than that and they had other people’s words and opinions filtering into their own self-talk.  This can create an extremely negative narrative around winning with an ego-based point of view. At the same time this was happening in my professional life, I was navigating my children’s love of sports and each of their experiences in youth sports.  What I was noticing was that the mindset these college athletes were working to restructure, had frequently started when they were quite young.  Some of the coaches and teams my kids competed with were supportive and empowering and I could see how that narrative led to a more positive self-worth in the college athletes. But for others, the gas-lighting and ego-based winning strategies were harmful.  These youth sports coaches often set the stage for how the college athletes I worked with felt about themselves, whether they knew it or not.

Regardless of the fact that sports psychology isn’t typically my specialty, goals, positive self talk, mindfulness, and reframing toxic narratives into more thoughtful perspectives definitely are.  As time passed and I grew into my role with them, I was able to develop a wonderful working experience with “my team” and all the other athletes I’ve met since then.  I really enjoy working with them and look forward to providing counseling to more athletes moving forward.  But none of this would have been as successful as it was, if I hadn’t had the support of some local colleagues and some guidance from reading Dr. Pippa Grange’s book.  A few months ago, I saw that Dr. Grange, was releasing another book called Fear Less: Face Not-Good-Enough to Replace Your Doubts, Achieve Your Goals, and Unlock Your Success and was speaking with Brene` Brown on her Dare To Lead podcast.  I couldn’t wait to listen to the podcast and eagerly pre ordered her book.  The podcast was powerful and affirming for me, Dr. Grange was able to clearly articulate many of the concepts and processes I’d been working on for years with my clients.  And the book...chef’s kiss.  Her discussion of “shallow winning vs winning deep” in Chapter 2 is absolutely on the money for how I hope my clients can view their wins and their losses.  

My suggestion to anyone who works with athletes, or kids, or who wants to learn to reframe their own narratives around what winning means to them, is to check out this book and especially the podcast.  I only wish I was as articulate around these concepts as Dr. Grange is and I think you will gain a lot from her voice.

Mindfully,

Meredith

*Whenever I have to play one of those ice breaker “Two Truths and a Lie” games, I always say I was an NCAA Athlete and people usually guess that’s the lie. But in fact, it’s true! Any guesses what sport I played? No chatter from the peanut gallery who already know the answer….

Five Ways to Have a Better Teletherapy Experience

You just found out that your favorite counselor isn’t coming back to the office any time soon. How are you going to continue teletherapy for the long haul? I’ve got some tips…

The historic Straube Center in Pennington, I cannot wait to get back to seeing all your beautiful faces there!

When the pandemic first began, I emailed all of my clients to let them know I would be switching to telehealth therapy.  I was extremely lucky because I had already been seeing a handful of long term clients via telehealth and so I had some basic systems in place already and (sort of) knew what I was in for.  I advised them it would be for a few weeks until “things settled down” and schools opened back up again.  As we all know now, a few weeks turned into a few months, which turned into a year and now here we are almost a year and a half later with many of us still utilizing telehealth for treatment.

Have things settled down?  For many therapists, yes.  They’ve either found their way back to their offices, or they’ve created a hybrid practice of in-person and telehealth clients.  Or they’ve given up their offices and committed to staying online full time.  Many different factors are taken into account when therapists make these decisions and I can assure you that your therapist has gone back and forth and made quite a few lists of pros and cons while coming to their decision.

I fall into the hybrid category, but my in-person sessions haven’t started yet and I don’t anticipate them starting until sometime this Autumn.  Most of my clients have expressed that they are appreciating the continuation of telehealth because they are still in the process of navigating back to their own “normal” routines, but what about those clients who really want to be back in person with their therapist? How can they continue to see their therapist, who they have an established relationship with, despite the fact that their therapist isn’t making the choice to come back to in-person treatment yet? 

Here’s five things that I’ve come up with for everyone to have a more positive virtual therapy experience.

1. Tell your counselor about your concerns. 

   There is no right or wrong way to feel about telehealth and your concerns are valid and important in regards to the success of your treatment.  Discuss why you want to be in-person and think about what you get from your in-person experience that you don’t feel you are able to receive from telehealth.  Your therapist may have some flexibility, may have some tips to make the experience better for you, or may know of another therapist for you to work with (either temporarily or permanently) that would suit your needs better.  

1. Create a therapeutic space for yourself. 

   One thing many clients say they miss about coming to my counseling office is simply the act of being in my counseling office.  Most counselors have spent a lot of time and energy creating a space where their clients can feel safe and comfortable.  Whether it’s the familiar couch, the dim lighting, the cozy pillows and sense of the space itself lending you a feeling of safety, both counselors and clients often miss the aesthetics of being in a therapeutic office.  Creating a space at home may help with that.  Maybe it’s a corner of your bedroom where you keep a weighted blanket and some pillows to use during your sessions.  Or a big chair in your living room that you can cuddle up on to and feel safe in the comfort of your own home.  Or take a ride in your car and park somewhere scenic so you can experience the privacy and safety of your car while also looking out at a view that feels calming to you.

2. Think about some of the items your therapist has in their office that you like to use. 

   Does your therapist have a tea/coffee station and you always make sure to brew a cup to sip on during session? Or do they have a certain brand of super soft tissues?  Maybe there’s a scented oil in their office that you associate with being there.  Does your therapist have a bowl full of fidgets to manipulate, a weighted blanket for your lap, or a special pillow you hold during your sessions? Come up with ways to incorporate these things into your space to make your sessions more consistent with how your experience would be in person.  Ask your counselor what brand of tissues they use or where they found their fidgets, I promise they’ll enjoy sharing with you and will be more than happy to try to help you create a similar space for yourself.

3. Make sure you know how to use the technology. 

   This is a big one and as a counselor, I am well aware that there is a learning curve for everyone and that glitches and internet outages are a part of life.  Personally I have had the most trouble with early evening sessions and those big booming summer storms, the two don’t mix very well unfortunately.  If you are doing a session from your car or someplace other than home, make sure you actually have a solid internet connection.  Or if you are at home and there are several other people at home with you, make sure your internet connection can handle you being in your session while your family is on the wifi as well.  And just as a tip, if you are sitting out back on your deck enjoying the weather while in session, make sure you are either close enough to your house to be on the wifi or far enough away from it that you are solidly using data.  I know in my own home, when I walk from my house to my car, my signal gets a little sketchy as it switches from wifi to data and if you stay in that “zone” while in session, your entire session will be plagued with glitches.  So make sure you know where that switch happens so that you can comfortably sit in your session and not have to dance back and forth trying to keep and maintain a solid connection.

4. Create a faux-mute.

   One thing that I truly miss about in-person counseling is my commute.  Yes I am highly aware that most people dread commuting, but for those of us who work in the field of mental health, commuting to our office creates a healthy and “easy” boundary for us.  I can leave my home at home and while driving to work, think about which clients I’ll be seeing that day and some of the ideas I have for their sessions.  And then at the end of the day, I can leave my office and all my clients at work and focus my energy and mind on what is going to be happening at home.  Unfortunately, telehealth has taken our commutes from us and I have had several clients mention that they used to spend their time driving to session contemplating exactly what they wanted to focus on in session and their drive home reflecting on what we worked on.  Getting to and from a session became, in essence, a deliberate part of their session.  When possible, I’ve advised my clients to see if they can get settled and sit down for their session a few minutes early.  Spend that time as they would have if they were commuting to a session, put the devices down and try to focus on what they want to discuss.  And then when their session is over, spend a few moments taking in what we worked on and any lingering feelings they have. Allow it all to settle before jumping back into life and checking their texts or email.  Create what I’ve been calling in my own life a “faux-mute”, where I sit down at my desk about 20 minutes prior to my workday begins, and after it ends, to process my thoughts about the day.  This isn’t always attainable (my children seem to have a radar for when my day is over and more often than not come bounding into the room with all sorts of updates for me before my faux-mute has finished) but trying to do either a pre-session or post-session faux-mute has greatly improved many of my clients’ experiences.  Some of them have even taken to journaling during that time to keep track of their thoughts.  Genius!

So there we have it, my top 5 tips for helping you appreciate and experience telehealth counseling in a way that works better for you.  Have a good tip of your own?  Please share them, I’d love to learn from what others have experienced. Have questions about how teletherapy works ?  Please let me know, I’m always willing to try and help.